Speaker - December 2007

The degree to which
you can lead your own

Just the Facts, Ma’am

If only Joe Friday, the no-nonsense officer from television’s Dragnet series, could be the voice inside our heads, reminding us to focus on the facts, our meeting of the minds would be much more efficient. Unfortunately, much of what is said in our head is based on assumption, supposition or down right false information.

Consider some typical internal dialogue:

voices will determine
your ability to lead your
audience and clients to
make decisions and
make a difference.

Monitor the value you place on the opinions of others and the power of authority you “give” them over the voices in your head. Of course, you are always in control of what you say to yourself, but if you are not careful, you may inadvertently give another person permission to hold a higher priority in your head than you even give yourself. Your opinion should count for something, for most things.

“That guy in the fifth row. Look at him. He’s bored. He hates what I just said.” That may be true. Then again, maybe he has jet lag, or was the last one to leave last night’s Welcome Reception.

“Michelle walked right by me at convention, didn’t even say ‘Hello.’ She must be mad at me. What did I do? Doesn’t she like me anymore?” Or, maybe Michelle had an urgent need to be first in line at the ladies room. It might be just that simple and have nothing at all to do with you. Imagine that!

“Bob hasn’t replied to my e-mail, so he must not want to talk to me.” Come on. Bob is probably just as busy as you are and hasn’t been able to see the virtual bottom of his overflowing inbox in weeks.

But our internal voices tell us otherwise, don’t they? Next time your internal voice jumps to an emotional conclusion, ask yourself, “What else could it mean?” And listen for Joe Friday’s voice focusing on the facts.

Think Straight

Some days in our business, it’s as if a tornado is happening in our head. There are thoughts flying around everywhere, clients to please, speeches to write, products to create, Web sites to update, and on and on and on. Few people put “take care of me” on their list of “to-dos” and thus it is usually placed on the proverbial back burner of life.

Whether you have taken care of you, things happen. We age, we grow, we gain and we lose, and the reality is that we notice it far more so than anyone else does. Thinking straight includes a clear analysis of whether you really are what you think and you really do what you thought. It also includes considering how much someone else’s opinion of you is a result of his or her own “stuff.”

Maybe that one participant evaluated you poorly because you reminded him of an ex-girlfriend. Certainly that is his stuff, or issue, not yours. But you have to be thinking straight and clearly, and exercising effective internal voice management to come to that conclusion.

Monitor Value

What if, just by chance, it does mean what you thought at first? Michelle didn’t say hi because she was bothered by you. Bob didn’t reply because your e-mail did not get his attention or you’re just not a priority with him. The key question is, do you care?

No mean-spirited, cold-hearted intent here. It’s merely a question most of us forget to ask. If someone doesn’t like you, maybe that is okay. We tell others that we can’t make everyone happy and that we won’t please all the people all the time, yet why is it that when it comes down to the business of managing our own internal voices, we conveniently delete that message?

Check Yourself

Are you tired or fatigued right now? Are you stressed out about projects you may be working on? Is your personal life experiencing challenges? All of these circumstances can lead to a warped perception of reality. They can also lead to more severe reactions and a higher sensitivity.

Have you ever overreacted only to realize later that what you reacted to really wasn’t so bad after all, which then left you with considerable damage control? It happens. But if you are able to pay attention to what else is going on in your life and manage the emotions that your mind will tell you are warranted, you can avoid a dangerous situation.