Then there’s Kelly. She and Joe had
been dating exclusively for about a year.
Joe was attentive, fun and they had
great chemistry when they were
together. Kelly wished Joe would see
her more often on the weekends and
introduce her to some of his friends.
Something just didn’t feel right.
Something’s wrong. I bet Joe’s seeing
someone else. Don’t be silly. You knew
Joe was a sports fan and weekend warrior
when you met him. Joe said his friends
aren’t really the double-date type, and he
wants you all to himself when you’re
together. But still, a few Saturday night
dates wouldn’t kill him. You’re being too
clingy. You’ll push him away. He says he
loves you. Stop watching those Lifetime
movies. No more country music.
When the other woman found out Joe
was dating Kelly, he dumped Kelly. Kelly
kicked herself for having been in denial.
Yet two months later, on the proverbial
bended knee, Joe begged her forgive-
Anatomy of a
It speaks in sentences and asks
questions beginning with Why?
What if? How? It has an
agenda, gives explanations
and makes excuses. It will
manipulate, justify and
The gut has no agenda or
attachment to an outcome.
It is calm and patient and
not concerned with your
level of comfort. It speaks
in statements of five
words or less.
ness. Joe told Kelly he chose the wrong
woman and that she was the one of his
dreams and he wouldn’t hurt her again.
Kelly’s ego was smarting. She felt lonely
and vulnerable and she so wanted to
believe Joe. Kelly ignored the pit in her
stomach and the voice that screamed,
“Don’t do it!” and still decided to take
“Why?” Kelly’s friends asked, incredulous.
“Because I love him,” Kelly said.
“Eeewwww,” her friends thought, but
they didn’t say anything. Kelly’s gut
was telling her the same thing, but she
didn’t want to hear that answer, either.
In both examples, the gut had spoken,
and the gut was ignored. Bob knew the
right answer instantly, but let his head
and heart talk him into taking the
doomed booking. In Kelly’s soap opera
situation, she ignored the voice of her
gut by explaining away Joe’s actions
and she took him back because her
wounded, yet hopeful, heart was running the show. Both combos almost
always lead to regret.
your heart. It will
follow your head
or your gut, whichever
is most dominant.
Confusion is a
symptom that exists
when your gut is telling you
what to do and your head
and/or heart are arguing
Do not follow your heart.
I know, I know. It’s contrary to everything you’ve learned from your family,
friends, pop psychologists, songs and
the movies, but it’s true and here’s why.
Our heart is a follower, not a leader.
It can’t make the right decision on a consistent basis. Why? Because our heart is
emotional, and our emotions constantly
change. Our heart feels good and feels
bad about 10 times a day. It reacts,
responds and changes on a moment’s
notice. We mistakenly think our heart is
connected to wisdom and that when we
blindly follow our heart, we’re taking the
wise and noble approach. Romantic, yes,
but rarely smart, and the results are risky.
Let your heart do what it’s best at—
being a follower and a supporter. The