Speaker - April 2008

Then there’s Kelly. She and Joe had been dating exclusively for about a year. Joe was attentive, fun and they had great chemistry when they were together. Kelly wished Joe would see her more often on the weekends and introduce her to some of his friends. Something just didn’t feel right.

Something’s wrong. I bet Joe’s seeing someone else. Don’t be silly. You knew Joe was a sports fan and weekend warrior when you met him. Joe said his friends

aren’t really the double-date type, and he wants you all to himself when you’re together. But still, a few Saturday night dates wouldn’t kill him. You’re being too clingy. You’ll push him away. He says he loves you. Stop watching those Lifetime movies. No more country music.

When the other woman found out Joe was dating Kelly, he dumped Kelly. Kelly kicked herself for having been in denial. Yet two months later, on the proverbial bended knee, Joe begged her forgive-

Anatomy of a
DECISION
Head (fear-based)
It speaks in sentences and asks
questions beginning with Why?

What if? How? It has an
agenda, gives explanations
and makes excuses. It will
manipulate, justify and
rationalize.

Gut (courage-based)
The gut has no agenda or
attachment to an outcome.

It is calm and patient and not concerned with your level of comfort. It speaks in statements of five words or less.

ness. Joe told Kelly he chose the wrong woman and that she was the one of his dreams and he wouldn’t hurt her again. Kelly’s ego was smarting. She felt lonely and vulnerable and she so wanted to believe Joe. Kelly ignored the pit in her stomach and the voice that screamed, “Don’t do it!” and still decided to take Joe back.

“Why?” Kelly’s friends asked, incredulous.

“Because I love him,” Kelly said.

“Eeewwww,” her friends thought, but they didn’t say anything. Kelly’s gut was telling her the same thing, but she didn’t want to hear that answer, either.

In both examples, the gut had spoken, and the gut was ignored. Bob knew the right answer instantly, but let his head and heart talk him into taking the doomed booking. In Kelly’s soap opera situation, she ignored the voice of her gut by explaining away Joe’s actions and she took him back because her wounded, yet hopeful, heart was running the show. Both combos almost always lead to regret.

Heart (emotion-based)
Don’t make
decisions from
your heart. It will
follow your head
or your gut, whichever
is most dominant.

Confusion
Confusion is a
symptom that exists
when your gut is telling you
what to do and your head
and/or heart are arguing
with you.

Heart Strings

Do not follow your heart.

I know, I know. It’s contrary to everything you’ve learned from your family, friends, pop psychologists, songs and the movies, but it’s true and here’s why.

Our heart is a follower, not a leader. It can’t make the right decision on a consistent basis. Why? Because our heart is emotional, and our emotions constantly change. Our heart feels good and feels bad about 10 times a day. It reacts, responds and changes on a moment’s notice. We mistakenly think our heart is connected to wisdom and that when we blindly follow our heart, we’re taking the wise and noble approach. Romantic, yes, but rarely smart, and the results are risky.