Quips, tips and parting shots
From your presentation?
Probably that any idiot can go
on stage and call himself a professional speaker.
I’m honored that you think
I was that inspirational. I guess
that’s what I do as a speaker. I
Well, you certainly changed
mine. I can’t even show my face
at work anymore.
I’m the same way, Mary. I guess we
both shy away from too much adulation.
Did you hear the audience booing
you as you left the stage?
Yes, it was very flattering. I also was
disappointed that I couldn’t spend more
time with them. But you know the old
adage: “Leave them wanting more!”
They didn’t want any! Half of them
left within the first 15 minutes!
Wasn’t that amazing? That couldn’t
wait to start implementing my ideas.
You must be very happy.
Happy? I’m apoplectic!
You’re making me blush. May I use
that as a testimonial?
If you even insinuate that
we know each other, I’ll call
Terrific! I love speaking to legal groups, and I’d
be grateful for the recommendation. Can you think
of any other organizations
that could benefit from my
I’d only recommend you
to organizations that want
to ruin their conventions,
Speakers are usually upbeat and optimistic. No matter what a client or meeting planner tells me, I always find the positive angle as revealed in my recent phone
dialog with a meeting planner.
Bill: Hi Mary, this is Bill Stainton.
I’m just calling to get your feedback on
my opening keynote last week.
Meeting Planner: You’ve got some
nerve! You and your so-called “opening
keynote” ruined the entire convention.
I know exactly what you mean!
When a fabulous dessert is eaten first,
the rest of the meal pales by comparison! I hope you’re getting a lot of
compliments on hiring me.
Compliments? You’ve turned me into
a pariah within my own organization.
That’s wonderful! I love it when I
can make the meeting planner a hero.
Do you know what “pariah” means?
Coming from you, Mary, it must be
something good! So what do you think
was the audience’s biggest takeaway
from my presentation?
drive their members away, and experience pain like they’ve never experienced
What a coincidence! A lot of other
clients have called my presentation
an experience as well. It’s something
I work hard at, and I’m flattered that
Without question, you are the most
obtuse person I’ve ever met.
You’re not the first satisfied client to
compliment me that way, Mary. I hope
we get a chance to work together again
I’d rather die.
I agree. And if every client were like
you, I’d also want to spend eternity
with them. Bye Mary!
[Mary hangs up.]
I love this business!
Bill Stainton is a multiple Emmy Award-winning TV producer, writer, and per- former; a highly sought-after keynote speaker; and an
internationally-recognized Beatles expert.
For more information, visit http://