Let’s be frank, just thinking about what
you want, without working for it, may
work for some people, but usually that
thinking must be supported by hard work.
Working hard means identifying a
specific goal and moving heaven and
earth to accomplish it. It means doing
what others are not willing to do, and
doing it consistently.
A saying commonly repeated at the
Miss America Pageant is that it is not
the most beautiful woman or the most
talented who becomes Miss America,
but the most prepared.
When you consider the awards
offered in business, religion, sports, or
education, you see that they are offered
to people who exert extraordinary
effort and service. Rarely is an award
given to someone for being average, or
for doing the minimum expected, or for
doing what everyone else is doing.
If you think people don’t like lazy,
uncommitted, poor performers, try
being a star performer and you will
feel the arrows of a whole new army
of detractors. In high school, the
name for high achievers was DARs
“Darn Average Raisers.” In life,
there are worse names, but the effect
is the same—to deride those who are
doing better than you.
Five suggestions for overcom-
ing what I call “NEOP”—Negative
Evaluations from Other People
First, forgive them for their
shortcomings. An outstanding dis-
cussion of forgiveness comes from
one of our own NSA members,
Mariah Nelson Burton. In her book,
The Unburdened Heart: 5 Keys to
Forgiveness & Freedom, Burton
identifies why forgiveness actually
benefits the forgiver far more than
the one forgiven.
Second, let it go. Robert Madsen,
a Washington, DC, psychologist who
treated President Reagan’s attempted
assassin, John Hinckley, Jr., told me
that one of the main reasons people
seek psychiatric counseling is they
cannot let go.
Third, understand that retribution is for losers. Acts of retribution
cannot occur if you forgive or if you
let go of the offense.
Fourth, refocus your attention on
positive actions. This is the time to
use your most positive self-talk about
what you do want to happen next.
During my recent battle with lung
cancer, I found myself in an unusual
situation, but one from which I learned
a great lesson. Friends, neighbors, and
family members showered me with
kind deeds and thoughtful letters. On
many snowy mornings I awoke to the
sound of shovels scraping my driveway.
Homemade dinners arrived daily from
church members and vases of flowers
Frequently, my entire day was spent
writing thank you notes for these acts
of love. I realized how joyful it was to
be in a state of complete gratitude.
Few people achieve success unaided
by others. For the rest of us, regularly
acknowledging those who have helped
us along the way benefits both us and
those who served us.
Kathy Loveless, MS, CSP, has been a business-building international speaker and author since 1990. The Learning Channel network featured the awarding of NSA-Mountain West’s “The Loveless Award” and her involvement in the Miss America Pageant in its first international reality television show. Battling non- smoker lung cancer, she shares these principles and others with her mentees and in
her forthcoming book, A Journey that Began with 9 Days. Visit www.LovelessEnterprises.com.