Advice for enterprising speakers
Idiscuss personal relationships in my presentations and in my life coaching practice. About a month ago, a client called me feeling elated. She said, “Scott, I am so excited. I just broke up
with my boyfriend and I’m moving on!”
I suggested that we schedule a
session to make sure she had resolved
her relationship issues.
“Thanks, Scott, but that’s not necessary. It’s over.” she said.
Two weeks later, she started dating
another man and, two weeks after that,
she called me again. “Scott, what’s
going on? This guy was totally differ-
ent than my ex-boyfriend, but the same
old crap is happening!”
My diagnosis: She did not resolve
the issues from the last relationship.
Even if the other person was responsible
for 90 percent of the problem, she did
not resolve her own 10 percent. This
happens all too frequently in our profes-
sional and our personal lives.
Feel Your Feelings
The first lesson in overcoming adversity in business is to feel your feelings.
Whether you lost a client or didn’t
book a speaking gig, emotions are
attached to these setbacks. You must
allow yourself to feel those feelings. Go outside and scream at the
sky, punch a punching bag, talk to
someone who will act as your sounding
board (and not give you any advice),
or express your feelings on paper.
By feeling your feelings, you release
natural energies and free yourself to
move into a more focused state.
Own Your Challenges
The second lesson is to own your chal-
lenges. Often, we want to play the
blame game when obstacles arise. “If
it weren’t for this person, I would have
…” or “So-and-so is responsible for me
not getting …”
This sounds like the client who blamed
her boyfriends for relationship problems.
You must take responsibility for your role in
everything, knowing full well that it is not
just you, but that you also have absolutely
no control over other people. That is tough
for some people to swallow because we so
desperately want to play that blame game
and try to change other people. We can
only change ourselves.
take away a powerful message and
a transformational lesson from that
experience. Sometimes that message
is readily available and, once processed and digested, you can move
on. However, there are times when
the lesson will come later. Wait for it
because it’s there. When you uncover it,
your life will change.
There Is No Failure—Only Feedback!
The third lesson is that whatever challenge or obstacle you face, you can
Scott Chesney has presened to ver 1 million people in 38 countries, including the United Nations, the Pentagon, the FBI, various Fortune 500
companies, associations, colleges and
universities, and K- 12 schools. Chesney is a
26-year “thrivor” of paralysis who also serves
as a Personal Empowerment Coach to help
people help themselves and maximize their
lives. Contact him at www.scottchesney.com .