Speaker - April 2012

Finding the funny in a speaker’s life
New Outfit = $146
Standing Ovation = Priceless

settled into my airplane seat, wearing my still-new polyester suit, dress shirt, tie and shoes. Hey, I’d only paid $146 for the whole outfit that morning. And guess what happened because of it? Let me step back.

I had a week of city hops with a mix of keynotes and corporate magic shows. My last leg—Bentonville, Arkansas— featured a program for a fairly large international retailer. Now, stuff happens when you fly and, sometimes, stuff doesn’t happen. Late this evening, worriedly waiting in LaGuardia airport, I knew I had no time for delays. That’s when I saw the gate agent pull out hotel room vouchers.

“I have an keynote at 8: 30 tomorrow morning. I don’t think so,” I groaned.

So, I politely asked the agent, “Where can you fly me to tonight that’s within a six-hour drive of Bentonville.” St. Louis? OK! So off I ran to the departure gate while calling the rental car company. The clerk happily quoted the “ frustrated-I’ll-take-anything-and-leave-your-car-in-another-city” rate. Between air and car, I should arrive in Bentonville by 5: 30 a.m.

“owns” this city. Coincidentally, most people in my morning audience work for this retailer. Screech! Once inside the store, I quickly found the business attire section and selected clothes for my program that would start in hours. Shortly thereafter, I sported a brand new suit, dress shirt, tie (not clip-on) and shoes—all for the amazing total of $146.

But I didn’t feel comfortable. First, I was self-conscious about my dress and didn’t want people to think I was a fake. Second, I felt hot ( polyester doesn’t breathe) and I hadn’t even stepped on stage. My outfit was far from perfect—but baby, it’s showtime.

“What should your opening speaker
wear? A custom-made Brooks Brothers
suit or an off-the-rack selection from a
super store?”
Then I explained, “Well, I wanted
to experience how your customers feel
… for real. So I purchased this whole
outfit there this morning for only
$146. Your store totally topped my
expectations.” Before I could finish,
people stood up excited, cheering and
screaming.

No planned ending could have topped that Standing O!

Hours later, I flew home wearing my hot polyester suit. I reminded myself that every audience has expectations— and speakers take the stage to top them.

Uneasy Questions Stirred

Once on stage, I launched into my
program creating showtime moments.
But in my mind, uneasy questions
stirred. “Will they know where this
outfit came from? If I dare tell them,
will they be insulted, proud or disin-
terested? Will I be embarrassed and
shunned? Will this suit fall to pieces
before I finish? I’d better not risk it.”
During a two-second pause near the
end of my program, my brain raced to
thoughts about my wardrobe. In a flash,
I gambled and asked the audience,

Jon Petz, Chief Engagement Officer of Bore No More!™, applies SHOWTIME moments to help people in organiza- tions wildly exceed customer expectations. A keynote speaker, event emcee, and comedy/magic entertainer, Petz is the author of Boring Meetings Suck. Visit www.BoringMeetingsSuck.com or contact Petz at Jon@BoreNoMore.com.

How to Explain My Jeans and
T-Shirt

I’d already checked my bag with my clothes in it, but at least I had my speech necessities at hand. Now, I’d better prepare an opening joke and an explanation for wearing jeans and a t-shirt.